Usually when we turn the calendar on a new year, it means a sense of renewal and a reboot. Except this year when the clock struck midnight to start 2105, for me, it felt more like flipping the switch on a ticking time bomb. There's one big countdown clock in my head with a long to-do list that must be completed by my wedding day. If that was the only thing I had on my plate, I would be doing okay. But I'm training for a half marathon, working on several special reports for our February sweeps ratings period, merging two households as my fiance Max gets ready to move in, continuing my volunteer and freelance work and prepping to host some upcoming community events. On top of that, I have a wedding savings account that must hit a certain dollar figure to make the big day happen, so financial stress is weighing on me just about every day.
While that is a lot, it's nothing life-threatening and pales in comparison to much more serious worries I could be facing. Because of that, I haven't allowed myself to accept the stress. I feel almost guilty for being overwhelmed by things that, at the end of the day, aren't that serious. I keep asking Max, "Why does my mind feel like a cobweb of anxiety?" He keeps telling me with an impending wedding, that is totally normal. But I still feel like I should be able to shake this. Aren't I stronger than that?
Maybe the best remedy is stop judging myself for feeling stressed. Once when I was having a minor surgical procedure on my toe, (I don't do that well with these things) the doctor told me I was making matters worse because I was nervous about being nervous. He was so right. I wasn't just scared of the procedure, I was worried about how I was acting and feeling. I was ashamed of my nervousness, which in turn just made me more nervous! I can just hear Dr. Phil saying "How's that working out for you?" Not well, obviously.
I need to stop feeling ashamed and upset with myself about being stressed. I need to stop comparing and downplaying my anxieties and instead just find a way to calm them and relax. I'm thinking a spa