"The Bachelor" Abomination

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them."  

-Maya Angelou

I'm not trying to get deep here while blogging about "The Bachelor," because that would be a little oxymoronic, but the above Maya Angelou quote is the first thing I thought of when reflecting on the finale.

As awful as I think Juan Pablo is, in his defense, he never really tried to convince anyone on the show he is anything other than a self-absorbed, commitment-phobic, shallow, player.  He never really showed much kind emotion with his words or his actions, other than making out with Clare a lot...but that's actually hormones, not emotion. To me, he didn't even attempt to make himself appear like he cared about these women deeply; he basically let his true colors show and they are pretty damn ugly. 

My ill feelings toward Juan Pablo have nothing to do with the fact he didn't propose. I'm a practical and realistic person and don't believe you can be ready to marry someone after a few weeks of altered reality on a television show. If I found him to be a stand-up guy, I would actually commend him for respecting the sanctity of marriage enough to wait to propose until he knew he had found the right person (sans St. Lucia and fantasy suites) to make that commitment. Instead I found his actions to be another way to avoid commitment and continue to be a jerk. It's not like he stood up there and gushed to Nikki about how amazing she is and how much he can't wait for them to spend time together and develop their relationship off-camera. Nope, all he said was "You look really pretty." The EXACT same thing he had just said to Clare when she walked up. And, "I like you, a lot." I like a lot of people, a lot. I want to marry them about as much as Juan Pablo wants to marry Nikki.  

Another jerk move was when he told Nikki he had a ring in his pocket. Pathetically enough, Nikki's eyes lit up with a glimmer of excitement that he was about to propose. Nope, he was just teasing her with enough "I kinda thought about proposing enough to go get a free ring provided by ABC" hope to keep stringing her along.

As evidenced by "After the Final Rose," he is STILL stringing Nikki along. I think the most jaw-dropping moment happened when Chris Harrison asked her if Juan Pablo loves her and she responded, "Ummm, I'm not sure. I think so." I'm not an advocate of anyone rushing into anything, but the show ended months ago, he's had ample time to tell Nikki he loves her. In my experience, men who truly love women want to tell them! 

I'm not a dating expert. I've had plenty of bad relationships and made many mistakes, but one thing I know for sure (I stole that line from Oprah. O Magazine readers know what I'm talking about.) is that you should never marry or commit to someone long term who is not head-over-heels in love (not lust) with you. Why would you settle for anything less? 

Unless Juan Pablo is secretly the most wonderful man on earth, Nikki is selling herself incredibly short. She's desperately clinging to a less-than-she deserves man and relationship. You should never have to sit around wondering if the person you're with loves you when you've expressed that you love him!  She is either delusional, in denial or has no self-respect.

Juan Pablo claimed to Chris Harrison he wanted to keep his relationship with Nikki private. I sure hope, but really doubt, he's a much more interesting, mature and loving person off-camera.